Last May I was trying to help move gear before a show when I dropped whatever I was carrying on my big toe.

It was the worst pain ever and I hated myself all night for trying to help. I should know by now to drop the girl card and stay away from any manual labor. But I want to be a team player, so until this past summer I really did try and do my share of unloading the trailer. Thank God those days are behind me!

Anyways, by the end of the night my right toe had a big, ugly black spot on it. It was close enough to the skin that I thought maybe I had bruised my toe, but it was actually the nail. (PS right now I feel queasy talking about this. I hate the subject of injured nails and toenails and I really, really hate the Lamisil commercials where they tear the “animated” toenail back and see the little bugs running around inside there. Ugggghhhh. It always makes my stomach turn).

I never had a big black spot on a nail before but I soon learned that it was there to stay. June rolled around, then July, then August and I still had an ugly black toe. I went to get a pedicure in September and they carefully scrubbed around the black blob. My birthday came in November and still, the permanent black toe saw me into my 28th year of life. Around Christmas someone saw it and said, “You STILL have a black toe???” I was pretty sure this would never, ever, ever go away. I would permanently have an old man, scabby, dried up blood, big toe that would scare my children away and keep Ryan from ever rubbing the ole feet again.

Yesterday it fell off.

And it was weird. I guess I didn’t realize it was making its way up to the top of my toe, but low and behold, there it was. And when it fell off I just happened to notice. And there was already another toenail there underneath it.

People see signs and meanings in things all the time. They are usually big, important things. But there I sat yesterday, black toenail in my hand, deep in thought, and it dawned on me… it’s a new day.

The old has fallen off and the new has already begun. I was excited to have my toe back. But more excited that right there in front of me was a visible reminder that what is dark and sometimes never ending, will actually one day end. It will fall off. And underneath there will be a new beginning.

Who knew a toenail could cause such an awe-inspiring moment? I thought about saving it, the toenail, but that’s disgusting. I threw it in the toilet and watched it swirl around and go down as if I was saying good-bye to a pet goldfish, and then I left the toilet in deep thought. Humph. Just like that and it was gone.

jenny