I can rarely make it through an hour long massage without feeling some twinge of sadness.
It’s the part where Laurie, my therapist, makes me roll over and lay on my back so she can begin working on my legs. I tell you… this is the worst feeling in the world.
I try not to look at her little clock hidden away on a shelf, but I know it’s there. Counting down the minutes in a dull red light. All of a sudden the little calming fountain just sounds like running bath water and the Asian meditation music seems fake and I know this is all a scam. She’s kicking me out. In about 15 minutes she will finish the front half of my body in record time, turn those awful lights on, and kick me back out to the street, back to the real world.
So actually, we should only have to pay for 45 minute massages. The last 15 minutes, after the awkward don’t-see-my-naked-body flip onto your back, is just a slow crushing blow easing us back into reality. The end is near. It really gets me every time.
There are other times I feel this way too.
Pedicures. I fully indulge in the little heaters drying my feet. I want to be there as long as possible. OK, mostly because I want to feel like I got my money’s worth, but also because I just don’t want to get back in the car. Not yet. Please let me inhale nail polish fumes just a little longer.
Football season. Playoffs start and while they are exciting, I know what they mean. They mean pretty soon it will be months before I hear Joe Buck, Troy, Terry, Jimmy, or Howie. The closer we get to the SuperBowl, the more depressed I begin to feel. What in the world will I do on Sunday afternoons? Monday nights? What will the sports radio station possibly find interesting enough to talk about for the next 6 months? I feel a marginal degree of sadness with each passing January day. Football season is over. Now what?
The list goes on and on. And yes, it mainly remains shallow and temporary. The last few bites of a good meal. I mean, how many ways can you try and preserve a bite of enchilada or a cupcake??? The last few songs being played at a wedding always happen when you are just beginning to let loose and dance the night away. A first kiss. Or second. Or third. You just want to bottle it up. You don’t want the kiss to go on indefinitely, as this would be a terribly long kiss, but you want to hold onto that feeling and that moment forever. The end of a great vacation. Sticking your toes deep in the sand and feeling the waves creep up around your ankles and wanting to stay forever, but knowing that little plane is just waiting… waiting to take you back to reality.
And there are not so shallow moments. Watching someone you love die. Knowing that it is best for them to go, but clinging so desperately to those last few weeks or moments. Sharing good conversation, so deep and inspiring that you hate for that cup of coffee in between the two of you to run out. Serving others. In a different country or at home, really pouring yourself out and wondering what it would be like to quit your real job just so you can work in a soup kitchen or hold babies in an orphanage or play ball with some rough around the edges inner city kids. Serving others and knowing that those moments, that mission trip, that weekend event, that moment in time where the world revolves around something so much greater is coming to an end for you. You know those moments you just don’t want to see pass?
And of course an incredible time of worship does the same thing.
Last night I sat in the American Airlines center with close to 20,000 other people and I worshipped. For the first time on this tour I didn’t have to worry about going into labor or prolonging my stamina by keeping my feet up above my head in some back room. I wasn’t shuttled to a hotel and no one was watching when I stayed on the side of the stage afterwards to take pictures with people. Last night, being my last night of the tour, I had freedom just to do my thing… so I did.
I worshipped.
With 20,000 other people in a sold out arena that I have only ever seen Shaquille O’Neal and U2 sell out, I watched as people from every different background, age, ethnicity, and lifestyle came together to worship this man called Jesus. I got lost in it all. On the side of the stage I watched and listened and sang my heart out and told Annie it was ok that we were already having contractions because seriously, this was the way to come into the world! And as Mercy Me began to wind down the set I felt it… that panic. That bit of sadness. That, “role over on your back” feeling.
NO!!!
Don’t end yet! Doesn’t ‘I Can Only Imagine’ have another verse? Can’t you make up another verse? Can’t you ‘bring more rain’ or a light drizzle or something? (Another of their songs… Bring the Rain). Can’t you keep going on God with Us just a little bit longer? Just repeat the chorus dummy. Bart… aggghhh… don’t quit. Please, please, let us stay here forever and worship like this.
And perhaps that is what heaven will be like. Not some lame version of Six Flags that I always hoped for as a kid, but this place that is so full of incredible worship that there is an actual, physical achiness inside to think about the absence of it, the end of it.
But until heaven…
All good things must come to an end.
The show ended. And with tears streaming down my face I realized that meant my stint on the Rock and Worship Roadshow Tour ended as well.
I began having contractions yesterday that were about 15 minutes apart. Though they finally ended around 1:00 a.m., and seem to be dormant this morning, I knew it was time to be home and rest. This means we are pulling out of the last 5 shows we were scheduled to be on. And as I felt it come to an end there was such a twinge of sadness. We will be out on the road again in no time, there will be more tours, lots of tours, and I am not losing a thing in the world! But you know, sometimes things are so good, that you ache when they end.
That’s how I felt last night.
All good things must come to an end…
But the end always represents a chance for something new.
In this case, Anniston Cate should be coming any day now. The doctor says she’s going to be an early bird as I am already dilated and 50% effaced, but who can blame her? If she hurries up we can have her first Easter egg hunt! She can enjoy the beautiful spring weather before the Texas heat settles in. She can give her mom a nice long break before hitting the road again in May… and this is relative. A crying baby verses feeling like a walrus? I am assuming (and not listening to any of you with baby horror stories) that a newborn has got to feel more like a break than being a walrus squeezing into airplanes, buses, and mini vans for cross country trips! She’s coming!
So while one thing draws to an end, I am both completely terrified and terribly excited that something new is on the way. Someone new is on the way.
-Jenny
Hey guys and gals!! Stephanie Galloway from Charlotte,NC.Howdy!!! Thank you all so much for the wonderful concert ministry you did.God bless you,been praying for you so much.It was a thrill to see you online,all the concerts seem to be out west and not able to go cause,of course,I am on the east coast.
Please come to Charlotte,NC or the surrounding area?Love yall so much,praying for you,and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the awesome music concert ministry God is given you.You are a blessing.Will continue to lift yall up in prayer k?Take care and hope to see ya live someday soon!
Stephanie G
Charlotte,NC
you did amazingly well for as far along as you are! I can’t imagine how you must’ve been feeling…
I am sure that everyone on the tour is sad to see you all go, but completely understands why!
Looking forward to seeing more from Addison Road in the future, and seeing picts of your new baby…
jenny,
Totally understand about the baby. We are a bit sad that we won’t be able to see you tomorrow. I had some folks from West Monroe coming your way to Bossier. That baby’s health is uber important and our students will be praying for you and Ryan! Blessings.
Jenny, thank you for sharing your heart and your thoughts about the tour and last night’s experience with us. We have enjoyed worshiping with you each night here on the web, and even having your Mom share her heart with us. May God bless you in a mighty way, and we will be praying for a wonderful and blessed delivery!! Hallelujah!
Because He Lives,
TJ
Addison Road has been the highlight every night online. Will be praying that God does amazing things through your ministry. Also praying for the birth of your precious baby!
We were so sad that you were not able to be in Oklahoma City tonight, but so happy for you and the blessing of a new baby! We’re celebrating with you on this joyous gift! PLEASE come to OKC when you get back on the road! We loved the other artists, but my 2 daughters (ages 5 and 11) were there to see Addison Road, we love you!!
Blessings,
Ginnie, Allie, and Millie
#
Wow, so beautifully and aptly put!! I was also there in Dallas, and it was such an incredible blessing to be a part of 19,000+ people worshiping and praising God together as one Body of Christ!! I was blown away!! I was so impressed that you were still on stage, singing and jumping away-thank you for the ministry you are doing to take God’s awesome message through song to others! I am really glad I was able to see you live before you took your break-I have really enjoyed your music on the radio, and it was even better to worship with you in person.
May this be a good time of rest, relaxation, and preparation for the new bundle of joy you will soon be holding and loving on! I know that was a hard decision to pull out early, but wise for you and sweet Anniston Cate-what a beautiful name! Blessings on you all~
I commented on Jenny’s blog yesterday and I am finding myself checking back here and there to see if that beautiful baby is here yet.
Still praying for a good delivery.
Blessings.
Lisa
Wow!! What a wonderfully put message! I, too, was not ready for the show to end. However, watching you jump around on stage scared me a bit. Thank you, Addison Road, for representing what so many of we Christians want to say, and doing it so boldly.
God bless you, Jenny. You are going to completely love motherhood. Please post pics of her!
Bless you and your family!
Kim
Fort Worth
hey missed you guys last night.
good luck to Jenny and Ryan.
god bless
katie
Bossier
I’m so disappointed that I won’t be able to catch you guys on the tour, when it comes to E. Lansing, MI! I was really looking forward to seeing you all, but it’s so exciting about your new baby. May God continue to bless you all, in all that you do, and please stop by Lansing, when you guys start touring again.
Blessings,
Cavelle
Lansing
Hey I was at the R & W roadshow here in OKC, Saturday the 4th. As disappointing as it was to not see you, I am even more excited for you and the beautiful experience – adventure you are about to embark on. I am the mother of 6- yes birthed them all very in touch with the feeling like an over sized mammal thing!!! But wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Hoping someday to experience adoption. Anyway be encouraged crying baby or not it is one of the single best experiences a woman can have- well I haven’t ever sang to a crowd of 20,000- so such is my perspective!!! You think worship and praise is awesome now, your heart will have even greater thanks and passion after you hold that baby girl. Babies, children are such a sign of God’s perfect love. Don’t listen to any negativity, if child rearing is so bad,….why is the world over populated?
It’s a beautiful thing. Congratulations, and yes you can get that figure back, not that you have to worry! (Actually it will be better too!)
Just wanted to let you guys know that thanks to Brody and The Roadshow we went out and bought your cd. We are all loving it and have enjoyed watching The Roadshow online as a family! Best of luck!
Congrats to you and your family…
Bummer to all of us who will miss your presence on The Road Show. We were hoping to see you in E. Lansing, MI, next week.
Look forward to hearing more updates. BTW–LOVE your writing. Beautiful–and funny–stuff!
Hey Jenny I hope you have a good delivery with your baby girl and pray that she will be a happy healthy baby take care, hope to see Addison Road come BAck to Fresno CA, God Bless Tell the band i said hi even though i dont know them bye
Jenny
Thanks so much for opening up your heart. You definatly have the gift of writing. I am with you in that I do not like change and hate to see things come to an end. I have been living in the same place for 14 years and am getting ready to move. What you wrote brought me to tears. What we were designed for is worship and it wasn’t supposed to end but it did….but Jesus humble as he was took up that cross and carried our sins and shame on his back as he walked the road of to the hill of golgotha. I am so thankful for him and to him for all that he has done for me. May God touch all of our hearts this Easter with the knowledge of his love and may we worship him more deeply as a result of that love. May you experience a new refreshed sense of rejoicing in this new blessing you are about to unwrap as you go thru the birthing process. Blessings Grace PS keep writing God is going to give you new songs thru this new life…
I went to the OKC show, and I was very disappointed to hear you guys weren’t coming. You guys are my favorite band, and I love you very much!! Good luck with Anniston, Jenny!! I’m praying for you!!
Lots of love,
Amber J. <3
Jenny:
My husband and I came to the show in Portland, OR a few weeks back. It was absolutely beautiful to hear you talk about your sweet little girl on the way. You said something like, “we’re going to have our first baby girl, ever!” I could hear the excitement and joy in your voice, and it was a gift to me. We had our first (and only) baby girl 2 years ago. Her name is Evelyn, and she is something beyond wonderful. Thank you for sharing a portion of your pregnancy with those of us in Portland.
I’m not much of a blog reader, but happened to read a bit of yours right after the show. You mentioned planning for a medication-free birth. I hope that works out beautifully for you. I had the same hopes, and it was absolutely awesome to see what God designed my body to accomplish. It hurt a lot (obviously), but it was amazing. I’m still in awe of myself for that one.:) And I liked having all of the machines, etc. close by, “just in case.” Whatever interventions you do or don’t end up choosing in the moment, you will be joining the mommy hero club. Congrats in advance!
In Him,
Stacy from Gresham, OR
Hi guys and Jenny. My son Jacob age 15, and my daughter Kaitlyn age 11, were at the Denver roadshow last night. It was amazing!! We were disappointed that you all were not there, but we totally understand. Jenny, take it easy and enjoy getting prepared to be a mom. It is the best job you will ever have. When you are holding that beautifull baby in your arms and she is looking into your eyes, you will be mesmorized. You are an amazing singer. My daughter and I love listening to your CD in the car. We blast the radio with the windows down so the whole city can hear your music with us. Hopefully we can some day be blessed to hear you guys in concert, but until then we will continue to play your cd and sing your songs in our car to the whole city. You have truly been given a gift from God, and I hope you never give it up. God Bless all of you. Hopefull you will post some pictures of the baby on your facebook, so we can see her.
Congratulations! We were @ the Rock & Worship Tour 2nite and wondered where you were…we were so excited to see you and did not realize you were even expecting. We have 5 children and know what joy they can bring into your life and what a blessing from God they are. I felt your pain as MercyMe was winding down tonight. One moment I was waiting for the ceiling to rip open and Jesus to descend into the arena and the next I was begging Bart to please sing one more line. I was so blessed to have been a part of this tonight…at one point I thought this was probably a very small taste of what heaven will be like when we were all singing together…I’m so excited…we have so much work to do here first!
Love & Best Wishes